【轉貼】英文笑話... 有點色

A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. The wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up  there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm  voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my  window?"
"Uh... yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.
"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"
You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other.
The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"No Kidding." he said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"

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This is a beautiful story about a Lady on a cruise ship.  A really heroic woman!!

From her diary:

MONDAY AFTERNOON:

What a wonderful cruise this is going to be. I felt singularly honored today as the Captain asked me to dine at his table tonight.

TUESDAY AFTERNOON:

I spent the entire afternoon on the bridge with the Captain.  He explained everything he was doing and told me there are 1262 passengers on board nd he is responsible for everyone's comfort, safety and having a good time.  He is so charming and invited me to dine at his table again tonight.

WEDNESDAY EVENING:

The Captain saw me at the pool this afternoon and invited me to have dinner in his cabin. His cabin is very cozy and the dinner was served with the best wines.  He made several amorous proposals to me but I stood firm on my moral convictions.

THURSDAY EVENING:

Tonight the Captain threatened to sink the ship if I do not give in to his exotic proposals.

FRIDAY MORNING:

I saved 1262 lives last night....  twice.

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A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: 7' feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.
I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around"!

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A lady goes on vacation alone to the Caribbean wishing her husband had been able to join her. Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate lovemaking she asks him, "What is your name?"
"I can't tell you!" the black man says. Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is and he always responds the same, he cannot tell her.
On her last night there she asks again, "Can you please tell me your name?"
"I can't because you will make fun of me!" the black man says.
"There is no reason for me to laugh at you," the lady says.
"Fine, my name is Snow" the black man replies.
And the lady bursts into laughter, and the black man gets mad and says, "I knew you would make fun of it."
The lady replied, "Its my husband that won't believe me when I tell him that I had 10 inches of Snow every day in the Caribbean!"